stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
