Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
