I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
