How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
