Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
