You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
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