Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize