she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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