I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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