cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
