What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I can't put those talents on a resume
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
