i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I am full of burrito and curiosity
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
