you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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