im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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