I think my fart just growled at me.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize