OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
