after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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