What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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