To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
