That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
