What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
That was an excessively violent trivia night
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
