I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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