I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
