he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
