Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
