I could have mohawked her pubes.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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