you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
