I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
