It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
