Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
too bad you live with your parents still
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
