thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
