If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize