why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
