I'm so fucking centered right now
why didn't you poke me back
Me too!
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
