Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
