Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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