Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
