would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
