The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
So vagazzling was a success
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
