He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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