i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
