Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
