We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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