I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
