Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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