hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
We left an ass print on the piano.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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