It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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