Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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