Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You are a genius and a whore.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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