man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
