I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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