dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I understand Curling. That high.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
