Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
