I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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