I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
love makes seman taste better
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
