So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
