I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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