i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
