I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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