brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
