He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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