so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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