so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
