Soap is not a condiment
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
