I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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