I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
