Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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