stop calling my apartment porn island.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
