If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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